As I sit here this morning in my uncomfortably quiet house... all the girls back at school. I find myself falling into memories of holidays past. Holidays are hectic! This year things were a bit easier. Some days were a struggle and some were not. I am glad they are past.
I was thinking about how much the girls love to play out in the snow. On Wednesday afternoon it started snowing about 3:30. By 7 we had about two inches. We still had school on Thursday, most of the snow had gone. It was a really beautiful snow. Stuck to every branch. As the sunlight faded it looked like a beautiful painting. Every branch and limb hung heavy with this wet snow. The evergreens look even more majestic than usual in the bleak winter landscape of east Tennessee. So peaceful. It made me think of our brief time with Angel Bitsy. So awe inspiring yet so brief. Snow flakes are so powerful in numbers and so fragile alone. I guess that's kind of how angel babies are. We need to nurture them and protect them. All the while we think we are the strong ones, and then we learn the real strength is them. My heart hurts to think you have been gone from us for two years tomorrow. In one moment it feels like an eternity and in the next I can't believe it has been that long.
I think my neighbors think I am crazy. I love to sit out in the falling snow. A quiet peace blankets the earth as the snow blankets the ground. Silently it covers all the ugly and turns the once brown and muddy ground to a beautiful and bright scene. Maybe I feel closer to heaven, maybe I can hide the tears. No one thinks twice about a red face or stuffy nose when you are out side in the cold.
So many times I am awed by the glory of things around us. And that tremendous joy can be shattered by the harshness of this cruel world just as I see the splendor. Snow seems to sooth my soul. The cold I feel is justified momentarily. Sometimes I feel I can never escape this cold. In the snow I don't even feel the need to try. Funny how the strangest things can bring a glimpse of comfort to a broken heart. Snow seems to make time stand still some times. Snow can force the world to stop. Even if only for a split second, it does. Maybe that's why I find comfort here. As hard as I try, the world marches ever forward dragging me along,ready or not.
"What is essential is invisible to the eye" from the Little Prince.
how true.... So much we have to learn from this life. So much that we carry in our hearts. Can you count the life lessons that show? I've often remind myself that I am who I am because of my journey. How can I be sure to teach my children this when they cannot really see or touch it. I am trying to live by example. I only hope they will see what is unseen in my heart and know.
