Life goes on, and on,and on. It won't stop no matter how much I sometimes wish it would. Sometimes I just wish it would stop so I can catch my breath. Through all of these trials I have learned to focus on what makes me happy. To let the little things that bother me go. Yeah some days I struggle with this more than others. But most days I can say "look at it, acknowledge it,let it go" for most of the small stuff. It is getting easier. Some things just really don't matter in the grand scheme of things. Yeah my house isn't spotless. I do try to keep it clean enough to be healthy. But I have more time for the things that are really what matter to me. My family, my art, reading, my garden I am even enjoying cooking again. And do you know what I have also discovered? Look at all of these things... they help me get rid of stress too. Hahaha that's awesome! See it is true that our heart can lead the way. Follow your heart! Don't get me wrong, I know sometimes you have to listen to your head. But when it can be done listen to your heart. I guess that's like the no regret thing . Live to regret what you have done not what you haven't.
Will this matter a week, or a month, or even a year from now? For most things you can answer No to that question. And when you put things in that perspective it changes a lot. Perspective is very important. Change your perspective and it gives you a whole new outlook. Even something as monstrous as cancer and be demeaned by changing your perspective. I could dwell on the loss. That Brittany lost her fight with cancer. Or I can change my perspective and say Brittany won her battle! The day she died she did. She escaped cancer, it can't hurt her further. She no longer has to fight this battle. She is not in pain and she is not sick. She won't live her life in fear of it coming back. Yes I wish she was here and cancer free and living a happy life. I wish she could do so many things. But I can make the horrible fact that she died feel better just by looking at it as a victory. It was a victory not a defeat. Perspective changes everything. Try it! By changing our perspective we can we can make even the worst situation more bearable. I guess that would be the power of positive thinking at it's best.

Talk about a ton of bricks! That's what it felt like I got hit with today. Just before lunch I got online to check my email before going to see a movie with the girls. Wow! Sydney a friends daughter from the clinic, with neuroblastoma, lost the fight yesterday! Sydney was only 9. She and Brit weren't really friends but they knew each other and she was so precious. Such a battle this beautiful baby waged. She has been fighting since she was 2 or 3. Had a short break cancer free and then resumed the fight a 2 years ago. This week seemed to have been the best week in a progression to what seemed to be a glorious victory over this beast! Not so! Her mom said they think she may have had some sort of bleed internally. So sad. I was shaking and crying so hard I could hardly get control of myself. I can't believe how this hurt.I can, but it brought all the pain right back to the surface in an instant. . My heart aches when I think of think of the things they are going through. I can only hope the shock has brought with it the numbness that will get them through the next few weeks. That's right I said numbness. If you have been down this lonesome road you know exactly what I am talking about. If you have not, count yourself blessed. For a while there is crying and aching and then that gives way to the numb. You feel as if you can't cry another tear. It's is like you walk around in a dream state and you can't wake yourself up. I went on for weeks hoping to wake up from this hell. This week marked 14 months since Bitsy's passing and today I went through the same emotions like I haven't done since that awful time. Mothers and Fathers shouldn't ever have to watch their baby suffer and die at the hands of this monster called cancer. Families are forever scarred and lives irrevocably altered. So much sorrow.
I almost thought about canceling on the movie. I am glad I didn't, it was a good diversion. But the car ride to the movies with a friend and a carload of giggling girls helped.
Life is fleeting. Children seem to know this better than adults. They do things that they know will get them in trouble, why? Because they want it or think they need it. Love them all! Let the ones you love know it now! Don't wait!You do not know what the next moment in life holds. Let them turn up the music, dance in the rain, sing and dance with them! Hold them tight. We are only here but a brief moment in the grand wrinkle of time. Let us all make the most of our moment. And by making the most of our moment surely it will make another moment better as well.
Angel Bitsy and Angel Jon help Sydney to feel safe and loved in Heaven. Help her to see how much she was loves as well.
Pray for the families touched by death from any cause.
If only all of us were as courageous as these children fighting cancer and all other childhood monsters. I know if we had an ounce of their courage the world would be a much better place.
Let us all learn to live in the present. To enjoy the moment for it's own beauty.
Peace, Amy

Follow me through any day and help me to find the beauty. How is it so hard to find the joy and beauty in everything. It is so easy to fall into the trap of negativity. Today we seem to be so obsessed with the bad. Look at our news! How often do they over dramatize the bad things and quickly skim through the really good things. Yeah some stations are making an effort to highlight the good in this world. Bravo! We all could use more positive in our lives. Why is is so easy to find the bad things and not just as easy to change our mind set to find the good. It is there every day, even on the darkest of days. Some times we get so caught up in what isn't going right that we overlook what is. Thank you Lord for giving me beautiful angels at every turn. They are here for me when I need them. They are there when I don't even know I need them. Some times I don't think I can make it through this journey. I am then shown I can and there are so many reasons to love this road. Love this journey, no matter how bumpy. This ride is "my" journey and I will love every one and everything this journey brings me. It is hard but it is a choice. It is my choice. No one can take that choice or make that choice for me. I cannot live afraid of cancer. Afraid of every ache and pain. We deserve to be happy again. We do not need to live in fear. I hope we never have to be touched by this monster again. My heart says this is a pipe dream. This monster called cancer is touching more and more each minute of each day. We will go on in a new way. Learning how to "be" with every new step. Through hills and valleys around each bend in this sometimes treacherous road our path teaches us who we are. Wisdom is not gained from study it is gained through living. Some wise old proverb goes something like this “A wise old owl sat on an oak; The more he saw the less he spoke; The less he spoke the more he heard; Why aren't we like that wise old bird?”
I wish any and all sharing my journey love and peace.. til then