Finding peace in the face of our own death must be a gift from above.
Had a long talk with a very dear friend today. She has breast cancer and has chosen not to do chemo and radiation. She was a ICU nurse and chemo would take her only passion away. Now cancer has taken it form her. Unable to do her job because of muscle weakness and fatigue she has let her passion to die. That sounds harsh but that's what it feels like. She is giving all her worldly possessions away. This woman has walked with so many down this road. to some she has been a friend. To some she has been a stranger. She always seemed to see within my soul. She can tell when I need to cry and when I need to talk more to get things out in the open. By helping her heal a relationship with her daughter it has helped me heal. She is moving to Albequerque to be near her only family. I understand that and that is good. I just wish she didn't sound like she is ready to lay down and die today.
As we were talking today I can hear the fear in her voice. I feel the fear. She is a spiritual woman and I know she will be welcomed in to Heaven. Yet there is this fear of the unknown. I shared with her the story I read to Savannah and Rose many times Before Brit died." Water bugs and Dragonflies", Its a sweet story about the waterbugs...they are all so sad when one of them climbs up to the top of a lily pad to rest and never comes back. These few agree to come back. They all promise to come back and tell the others what it was like to sleep on the lily. So the story goes on as one becomes so overwhelmingly tired he must climb to the top of the lily to rest. while he is sleeping changes take place. He becomes a dragonfly. Of course he is still himself. He revels in this new world with his beautiful wings. As he is flying he notices the water bugs down in the water and remembers his promise. He tried to fly down to tell them about this beautiful new world and how they will love it but he bounces off the water. he cannot go down in the water. over and over he tries but finally gives up. Sad he can see them but he cannot tell them he is the same bug. They don't recognize him. He is there but they cannot see.
Is that how it will be. Can they see us but we can't see them. It helps to think they are always here with us watching over us. Bitsy help her to have the peace you did and not be afraid. My friend has in a way been given a gift. She knows her time will soon be over. She knows she must do the things her heart wants NOW. Not wait another minute. We should all live like that. Live like we are dying. Live every minute.
Live today to the fullest. Tomorrow is not guaranteed.