Do you ever just wish you could vanish

Do you ever just wish you could vanish off the face of the Earth for a while? Not alone, with my husband and girls but just really vanish from all the stresses of life and really let them go...So often I just wish I could. I am tired of this sorrow. I am tired of this hurt. I see pain in the eyes of those around me, those I love are hurting too and I want it to go away. But I know it will not go away. It will not pass. Me head tells me in time it might fade but my heart says it will not. Is it wrong for me to be jealous of all the beautiful kids who were Brittany's friends enjoying their senior year. I wish so much she could have. Every event is like salt in this wound at one more special thing she didn't get to be a part of. All I can ask is why, why , why. Why does this god that is a god of love and peace let things like this happen to the innocent. Will I always feel that twinge of anger at another child who gets to live. Another family untouched by this awful disease. I feel guilty! Why couldn't we have beaten this. Why did it choose us. I want it all back. I want my beautiful daughter back!I want my family to be whole again. I don't like to see the fear in my 10 year old's eyes every time some one hurts or is sick. A 7 year old shouldn't know this pain! A 19 year old shouldn't lose a sister to lean on and confide in. A mother and father shouldn't know the pain of this loss. How is this right. Some days I think how can I go on like this for the rest of my life. Wondering how it would have been with her here. How would her existence have changed us, and the world.
Yet all the while the world goes on like nothing has changed.....