Merry Christmas

Posted Dec 27, 2009 11:19pm

I hope the holidays have been blessed for you all. Things have been crazy here. As the we gear up for the holidays at our stores things are almost more than I can handle. I guess they are a blessing in disguise... no time to think of much else. Some days are still not as easy as I would like. It was very hard to really get in the spirit. I try for the sake of Savannah and Rose, but I feel as though I am just going through the motions. Finding the joy has been a struggle. I enjoy seeing the excitement of the younger children. But aside form that it has been a struggle. An inner struggle. Maybe the truth behind Scrooge was something sinister like cancer. I feel guilty not doing things equal for her as I have her whole life. Shopping, cooking, wrapping, everything. As I did what little decorating I did this year I was immersed in memories at every turn. I know this was our first Christmas without her. I hope it will get easier as we make new memories and new normal routines.
I think I have had less patience with the excesses of our society this year. I am disgusted by the greed and waste we have grown accustomed to. What will it take for this world to realize THINGS are not what matter?

Amber has been home for a week now. It's nice having her home. But it makes me realize how much things are different with her off at school. Savannah and Rose like having her home as well. And every day I see how much she is like her father. Two hard heads in the same house are very difficult to live with.
We try to keep Brittany's memory fresh in our minds without dwelling in the darkness that can accompany that. Rose seems to talk about Brittany easier than Savannah. Amber is doing well. I feel I am. Though no doubt Amber(psycology this semester) would disagree. Tom is moving along at his own pace. We are finding our new normal. I still have to stop and say" this must be a nightmare" it doesn't seem possible. Some days I just want to sleep all day. And I still have my sleepless nights now and then. Not so much any more thankfully. I think running has helped that.
Thank you for all your prayers.
Best Wishes for the coming year!
Amy mom to Angel Brittany

May the angels keep you til morning.
May they guide you through the night.
May they comfort all your sorrows.
May they help you win the fight.
May they keep watch on your soul.
May they show you better ways.
May they guard you while you're sleeping.
May they see you through your days.

May they show you new hopes.
May they still your every doubt.
May they calm your every fear.
May they hear you when you shout.

May the angels keep you til morning.
More than this I cannot pray.
And if the angels ever fail you.
Then may God be there that day.

~ Author Unknown