thank you all

Thank you all!
Posted Mar 3, 2009 2:12am

As I spend yet another sleepless night my heart needs to reach out to all of you who have helped us through this nightmare called cancer.
Even though it has only been a few weeks I can see the blessings we have been given to help us. The angels we crossed paths with daily at Children's Hospital and any where else we seemed to need one... They were always there to catch us.
Please let me share some thoughts that comfort me in hopes that they will comfort you as well.
Many of you don’t know that Dr Vickie changed Britt’s pain meds around Christmas. Well this change made her go from sleeping all the time to being awake most of the time. We had more time to talk and just hang out with her . Just because of this one change! We would sit up til 4 or 5 am just talking. Yeah we had to get up at 6 but I wouldn’t change it a bit …. You know you really can learn to function quite well on 1 or2 hours of sleep a night. I think all this extra sleep over the last 2 months is messing me up…
The last day we had with Brittany was a special one.
Maddie our 15 year old lab died the morning before Brittany. The day before Britt was set free from this torture we spent singing lullabies and reading stories to her. She said I love mommy, I love daddy, I love Amber, I love Cup (Savannah) I love Rose, I love Grandma. She said she loved everyone. She even asked Amber “ ya need some underwear? I’ll send you some..” We gave her a bird bath with baby wash so she smelled like a lavender. Her fuzzy head smelled sweet like a newborn baby. That smell you just can’t get enough of . We changed he sheets ,and dressed her in her new jammies Amber got her for Christmas.
Everyone said I love you , and gave her a big hug before going to bed. Britt was awake looking out the window for a while. She watched some How its Made and then fell a sleep. She didn’t seem to be afraid. I was right there with her as I had been for weeks.
After she was given last rights and blessed, her expression somehow changed to almost a smile ! Savannah said it was because she and Maddie were playing in heaven together. Rose drew a picture of Britt and Maddie with angel wings playing together, with a broken heart on the back.
She isn’t sick anymore ,she doesn’t hurt anywhere, she can eat what ever she likes, she is free, she is in a better place. even though we would like her here with us we know she is finally at peace. She is like a water bug that fell asleep only to wake up and find she is a dragonfly with beautiful shinny wings. She can see us but cannot return to where we are. One day we will join her.
Thank you all for your love and support through this trial. I also am comforted by the words of Fr Chris , about the gold smith proofing the gold in the fire over and over he puts it into in the fire to bring out the impurities so they could be scraped off. Britt would have liked that I think. We are not ready but she was. She has had her trial by fire. I only hope to face my “fire” with half as much grace and dignity.
God Bless you all . God bless the angels that fight this battle daily. Incredible healing in one child and incredible loss in the next. Bless Dr Vickie and her wonderful staff, all the volunteers, and everyone who helped us in this horrendous journey.