In case you are counting

sted Aug 7, 2009 5:52pm

In case you are counting ...
6 months have come and gone and tonight will be 7 months since our sweet angel was taken. I have good days and bad or as Amber so wisely tells me "no mom make them bad moments not days". So I have bad moments. I am still blown away by the little things that send me over the edge. We are managing quite well I guess. Thing are moving along as break neck speed in the world that never stops. We are trying to find time to stop and smell the roses.
I think sometimes and I'm sure I am not the only one to think this thought. "How can we feel so empty and so alone when we are not at all." I have three beautiful girls still here with me and All i can think about is how Britt would have changed the scene. What would she have said or done to make things different. She always had an opinion to add to any conversation.
And I still have my moments where I am so angry at God I can't see straight. Right now seems to be one of those. How could he do this terrible crap to such beautiful innocent children. How can he test us over and over like this? One day I will break. It is easy to say let him guide you , he will show us the way. It is another thing entirely to do it! I know this will pass, don't worry about me. I am venting an when I have finished crying I will feel what I like to think of as his hands. The peace will come again and I will carry on in this fight to find my own new normal. You know how you feel after a good cry, you feel healed and empowered, your strength is renewed. I will feel that again. I will not let this bad moment be a bad day...
I love you all!
Thank you for letting me vent , Thank you to those that send your words of encouragement. They do help.
Mom to Angel Brittany